Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
