...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
