never play flip cup with pint glasses
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
