my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
