bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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