i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
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