i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
