Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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