She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
