There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Randomize