he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
