My liver just broke up with me...
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
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