The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Randomize
