I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
