At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Randomize
