Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
