these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
