When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
He keeps bees of course he's weird
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
