He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
This is classic penis vs brain.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
