i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
