That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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