i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
