you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
