Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
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