Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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