Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
