what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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