WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
