I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
