did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
