oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I think I won the penis lottery.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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