you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
