Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
