and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
