something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
You don't make any sense
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