I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
