That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
