apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
