honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize