I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
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