evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
