"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Randomize
