from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
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