it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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