I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
God, I missed his penis.
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