I want to make a zoo with you.
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
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