The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
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