you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Randomize
