one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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