So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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