I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
