I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize