He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
