me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
