Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Randomize
