guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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