nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
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