Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
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