how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
