Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Randomize
