I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Randomize
