I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
