Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
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