i permit you to call me
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
