I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
