after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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