Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Randomize
