you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
