Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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