We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
