Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
