Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize