I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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