I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize