When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Randomize
