I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
