the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
