i don't like sucking hair
Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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