I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
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