If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
