You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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