I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize