you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
