I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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