It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Do you remember whose house we're in?
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
