Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
You're earring is so big in my mouth
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
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