Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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