he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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