There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Randomize
