I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
