the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Randomize
