You're my little dorito
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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