The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Randomize