omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Randomize
