no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
Randomize
